It’s dangerous yo
I’ve been thinking about someone for this past week almost nonstop and we haven’t even spoke since the weekend. What the heck even happened this weekend? I allowed myself to be vulnerable and honest with a complete stranger, rode in his car for 6 hours and slept next to him. That violates multiple boundaries I’ve set for myself when it comes to the opposite sex. But the weird thing is, none of it was intentional and more of God’s doing. Passion is contagious (and boy is he passionate) and that’s the first thing that drew my attention. A passion and deep love for God is something I’ve never seen in my past relationships so this is something new. Majority of our convos were about how God was growing us and where we wanted to go in life. Pair that with praying together? Oh man.
I’ve established freshman year that I wouldn’t even consider dating unless the guy had the same passion and mindset as I did or ran at the same pace in his walk with God. I’ve tried making my own moves, screwing up good friendships for temporary intimacy and I’m not about to repeat the same mistakes. From what I can see is that this guy has the same heart and is running toward God. I mean flying! But he’s still new to the faith. I myself am trying to grow stronger with The Lord on top of running UIC and applying to the BFA. I simply can’t afford to invest my heart, time, and feelings for someone. Now is the time for me to make a difference and establish myself without being responsible for another person.
I’m tempted to ponder the “what ifs” and slightly terrified if this were something God wanted for me. If so, I still have tons of healing and growing to do.
4:32 am • 8 May 2014 • 3 notes
Junior year Semi Wrap Up
It’s been a long minute since I’ve posted anything about my life. It is now the end of my third year at SJSU and I’m so happy with how far I’ve come.
Starting off with academics, this semester is probably my best. Maintaining at least a 3.8 and my creative side is on point this semester. My third (and almost final) graphic design class has taught me so much. I’m happy that I’ve developed a strong connection with my Prof that no other student has. I can see how much Julio wants to teach his class and help us develop our potential. He’s told us that he’s not much of a cheer leader or motivator, but that’s okay cus that’s what Daryl is for :) I have a lot of respect for my Prof since he was part of the BFA at State. I can now understand his taste and his sarcasm is too great lol. As for the BFA, I’m stoked. This has been my dream since I first applies to SJSU and I’m one step closer. Last semester I was no where near confident in myself or my abilities, doubting why I even chose graphic design. But this semester is completely different. Julio told me “I urge you to apply, I wouldn’t do so if I wasn’t confident in your abilities”. Coming from a monotone non-cheerleader, it meant a lot. Talking to the department chair Connie also gave me confidence in applying bc she made it seem more relaxed than intense. It’s true “my people perish for the lack of knowledge”. The more I learn about graphic design and the steps I need to take, the more excitement and confidence I have. I’ve realized God placed this passion for design inside me for a reason, and it’s part of how He uses me for His glory. Whether I’m in or not, I want to be content knowing that God has good things in store for me.
Ministry? Amazing. I’ve always complained about Pulse not establishing relationships or flowing with the spirit but I can see such a huge difference this year. I’m so proud of the new freshmen who are stepping up and getting involved. It’s a new generation but I want them to have the same passion and vision for the school as us oldies do. Unity in Christ is a dream coming true. I didn’t win internship or get put on Pulse core bc God wanted me as UIC leader. To see the unity between ministries just this year makes my heart glad. I’m learning much more about leadership and myself while leading with Kevin. He’s taught me to have faith and how to work with a Co. I’m learning networking, fundraising, and logistics. We have the family part down, but now it’s time to have a plan and strategize for next year. God is gonna do some things if we continue to act in obedience.
Tired and sleepy..tbc
4:36 am • 30 April 2014
The scary thing isn’t whether or not it can happen, because God can make it happen. The scary part is what happens when God does pull through.
10:06 pm • 23 February 2014
EVERY SINGLE TIME. We start talking again. We add each other on social networks again. Give it a couple of days and you stop replying to my texts. I wait on you to hit me up or respond to my posts. Subtweets and all. Still nothing. Frustration. Deletion. Strangers again. I should know better than to let you back in my life if all you do is mess me up.
4:02 am • 16 February 2014
In search of a life worth loving because to live is to love.
4:19 am • 5 February 2014 • 1 note
I haven’t posted on tumblr in what seems like forever. But I just wanted to note that I feel like a victory is imminent in my life. Break through is gonna come for not just me, but for my family. I can’t wait to go to the Philippines. Really praying that something happens to push as all forward into the right direction.
12:48 am • 6 December 2013 • 2 notes
Dude..I just yelled at my mom. Told her being in the PI and watching over my brother aint enough and she should be helping pay bills. I feel real childish and real selfish. I’m part of the reason why we’re struggling financially. What the hell did I get us into.
10:02 pm • 3 August 2013 • 1 note
I hate summer. I hate her crooked teeth. I hate her 1960s haircut. I hate her knobby knees. I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck… Just kidding. But really, I never seem to enjoy my summers as much as everyone else does. All I ever do is stay home, read some books, catch up on shows I didn’t watch during the school year, stuff like that. I share rooms with my dad and the only people to kickit with are my cousins. I don’t even bother to hit up high school friends because..heck idk? Things are just different. I get this real bad case of apathy too. No angst for school, don’t wanna be creative..I just put life on pause to sulk. I even get this idea that I’m not meant to be in graphic design blah blah blah. Just pathetic. Why didn’t I sign up for summer school? Or like, fat camp? LOL.
Now that school is less than three weeks away, I’m just more worried than excited. My dad is mad that I got an apartment instead of staying in the dorms. We’re not even sure if we can make rent each month. I’m a semester behind from where I should be, and because of last semester’s grades, I gotta work my ass off to get into the BFA program. Idk how next year is gonna look like. I’m probably gonna have to disappear for a little bit to get my priorities straight. What I DO look forward to is going back to church and working with all the fellowships again. I haven’t had any of that back home, and that’s my life’s purpose. Probably the biggest reason why I’m so negative. Nag nag whine whine nag whine. Peace.
1:16 am • 3 August 2013 • 1 note
For the past few days I’ve been nothing but grateful for my dad. He just got back from the Philippines, dealing with my brother and mom and the next day, he’s willing to take me to work since Bart was on strike. After work, he picked me up and drove all the way to Vegas. He didn’t even want me to help him drive. He checked both families that visited us into separate hotels under his name and paid for all 12 of us dinner at a buffet, all without boasting or complaining once. Yesterday he accidentally left his car keys and house keys in the car door. We were gone for more than 4 hours, yet the keys were still there. Mind you, this is in Vegas during 4th of July weekend. Today, a plane crash at SFO was announced. That Asiana plane was the one my dad has been taking to and from the Philippines 3-5 times this year alone..if he scheduled his flight just one week later, that could have been him. I’m so thankful God softened my dad’s heart because our relationship was nothing like this 5 years ago. I’m really afraid that I wouldn’t be able to live up to my dad’s name. He’s gotten us so far and I know my choice of career isn’t gonna get me even half of what he makes now. I wanna show him that I could do as much as he does for my family once I have one. That’s how I know I’ll repay him.
2:58 am • 7 July 2013 • 3 notes
I just wanna be able to have legit conversations with my parents. Not just “how is everything?” or “do you have enough money?” I try to even talk about things that interest them but no luck. Am I that boring?
11:48 pm • 24 June 2013
“You could love me more in a moment, than other lovers could in a lifetime.”
— Steffany Frizzell (via onyourprettywings)
2:42 am • 13 June 2013 • 598 notes
So, I have a job interview tomorrow for EOP (educational opportunity program). Doing some research and prepping, I realized how perfect this opportunity would be. This program strives to help first generation college students get situated into SJSU and fulfill their personal/academic goals. They have several mentoring programs and workshops to help students find their identity within their college community. The position I’m applying for is as Graphic Designer, but I know that I’d be putting more of my efforts into it. I wanted to create a mentorship program myself, and I think working with EOP would help me learn how to create one. I’m thinking while typing this, and man! This sounds like what I’ve been praying about! Woah, thank you Jesus.
12:24 am • 13 June 2013 • 1 note
For the past two years I’ve been able to manage 15+ units while having a solid spiritual/social life. But next year, things are starting to get real. I’m currently on a job hunt, trying to work as a graphic designer for either the Student Union or EOP program. I NEED the money to pay for rent and help ease my dad’s financial burdens. On top of a job, I’ll be co-president of UIC, the council of the Christian ministries on campus. On top of that and that, I want to host a mentorship program for incoming first years that’ll require a lot of my attention. On top of that and that and that, I’ll be part of Akbayan cores. Oh, did I mention I’m trying to get into the BFA program for GD? That alone requires a 3.0+ GPA and a portfolio review. I don’t know where to cut back on as I see each thing I want to do as important. Right now I’m thinking, if I get a job, then I’d have to drop a class and keep the work load at 13 units. But I’m not sure if that’d delay my graduation rate. I really gotta pray about this.
3:37 am • 12 June 2013
I wish I had a girl mentor to look up to. All the advice I get are from guys. Girls are so prissy and princessy. Then there’s me, overly-complicated with questions no girl even really ponders.
1:56 pm • 11 June 2013